‘Dad - please can I have 5 pounds ?’
‘If I were to give you the 5 pounds, what exactly would you spend the money on ?’
‘I’m going into town to buy Emma a CD for her birthday.’
‘…but surely 5 pounds won’t be enough.’
‘Well Mum gave me 15 pounds but I can get the CD for 8 pounds from Tesco’
‘Oh I see. Now you’ve got me interested. You have already secured seed funding from an angel investor. Net margin close to 100%. What will your turnover be in years 2 and 3 ?’
‘Oh just forget it. I’ll use some of my babysitting money.’
[In a amazing development, the entrepreneur reveals she has a second business which she hasn’t even disclosed]
‘What babysitting money ?’
‘I got 20 pounds for babysitting for the Barnstormworths last Saturday night’
‘Why the Barnstormworths ?’
‘Well they pay the most and I always babysit when Mrs Barnstormworth is driving’
‘What do you mean ?’
‘Well - it’s 3.75 pound an hour but if Mr Barnstormworth has been drinking, he can’t do the sums for quarters of an hour so he just rounds up to 5 pound an hour.’
‘Any plans to grow the business ?’
‘Well Mum said next year, I could babysit in mid-week if my homework was finished and after midnight the rate doubles’.
‘OK. Let me tell you where I stand…’
‘Dad - please can I just have 5 pounds or I’ll miss the bus ?’
‘I like the sound of the business model but the valuation is simply ridiculous so I am prepared to make you an offer of 4 pounds for 10% equity in the CD racketeering business and 40% equity in the babysitting company. '
[After this astounding and unexpected turnaround, this young person looks to have secured the funding]
‘However there is one important fact that you have completely overlooked a fatal flaw…’
‘What’s that, Dad ?’
‘You won’t have any time for babysitting as you’ll be staying in looking after Norman Junior while me and your mum go out and enjoy ourselves. This service will be completely free of charge. Therefore, I am withdrawing my offer. You didn’t pitch well. You don’t have a viable business plan. You don’t know anything about
CRM.
You’re young and inexperienced. You don’t listen to advice. So that’s it. I’m not interested in working with you and I’m certainly not interested in investing so I’m out.’
‘Mum - can I have 5 pounds ?’