complete, utter, 100%, unmitigated failure

‘Holy Father. It is almost 31 years since City’s last trophy. Since then, I have:

• Failed to install Oracle 10gR3 Grid Control to experiment with the Siebel Management Pack.
• Failed to configure bridged networking on my Siebel 8.0/Oracle 10g/RedHat VMware environment. Consequently, I have just deleted the complete 20GB environment in a fit of pique.
• Nearly exploded at the woeful response to a ticket with Bluehost asking why two functioning cron jobs were a) removed and b) failed to work when reinstated.
• Failed to resolve a trivial but incredibly annoying problem with AVG mail filter.
• To top it all, I don’t even know the difference between MB and Mbps.

‘My dear son. You are indeed a worthless sinner. May the Lord may mercy on your soul. To seek forgiveness and redemption, please say three Hail Marys, one Our Father and request a transfer to pre-sales.’