This year, like the previous three, we applied in the LTA ballot for Wimbledon tickets. This year, unlike the previous three, we were allocated two tickets for Court 1 for the middle Saturday in blazing June.

I checked the Order of Play on Friday night. My wife asked me who was playing. I casually replied ‘Oh - just some ladies playing pit-a-pat tennis then Djokovic (Men’s #4 seed) against Kiefer followed by another ladies singles match.’

‘Are the ladies well known ?’

I manfully tried to control my rising excitement and the quiver in my voice: ‘Oh I dunno - someone called Sharapova. I think she’s the pretty, athletic one. Tall, blonde hair with long shapely legs who also does modelling.’

After a cold shower, I checked the weather forecast, looked outside at the torrential rain and, for the first time in 23 years, said a little prayer before turning in.

The day dawned grey and wet. We arrived at Wimbledon, prepared for the increased security checks. A gentleman in a blazer asked me and my son to open our coats. An unusual request but, in the interests of homeland security, we complied. He said ‘I’m awfully sorry, Sir but you can not wear those T-shirts on Court 1.’

We looked down at our chests. My son’s read ‘Blog in Isolation’ and mine was adorned with ‘www.nbrightside.com’. ‘Why not ?’

‘Those shirts constitute “ambush marketing” which is strictly not allowed by the LTA. Come to think of it, didn’t I see you two dancing on stage at Glastonbury last week behind Iggy Pop waving a “Bring back Wispa” flag ?’

Undeterred, we promptly removed one layer to reveal our contingency shirts

‘Come on Andy !’ ‘Come on Tim !’ ‘We love you, Maria !’

‘That’s much better, Sir. Have a great day and enjoy the tennis.’

Pictures here.