Hi Norman. You and I haven’t spoken before so please excuse the intrusion. However Sandstone Search & Selection are a specialist recruitment consultancy, focused on the Enterprise Software and Consulting markets. I’m keen to find out if you’re open minded about your career please let me know. Rupert Smithers-Jones

Hi Rupert. Yes - I am pretty open minded about my career and would consider anything apart from pole dancing. Norman.

Hi Norman. Excellent news ! Ping me when you have 5 minutes free to chat about an exciting opportunity. Rupert

Rupert - I typed ‘ping rupert’ but my computer reported an error ‘rupert is not responding’. Kind regards, Norman

Norman - What would you say to an opening in pre-sales consulting for a major, established blue chip based in London with some international travel ? Rupert

Hey Rupert I don’t wish to be rude but I think I’d rather be considered for the ‘pole dancing’ role. Do you have any such openings for tasteful pole dancing - maybe at corporate events for IT companies. Although I relatively new to the business, I do have a copy of ‘The Full Monty’ on DVD. Does that help ? Norman

Norman - You’re confused. I’m a executive search and selection specialist charged with head hunting the most talented and elite IT professionals for the top FTSE 100 companies in the UK. I don’t find temporary jobs for pole dancers. BTW What is your notice period ? Rupert

Rupert - My notice period is one month but I wouldn’t be available for any new role until 1 September when I get out of hospital - Norman.

Norman - I don’t wish to pry but what is the nature of your medical procedure. It might affect the package I can secure for you - Rupert.

Rupert - Please don’t worry - it’s just some minor surgery I’m having done in Belarus. It the fourth and final part of my transgender operation. From 1 September, I will be henceforth be known as ‘Norma-Jeane’. This will most certainly affect my package and strong pain killers will be required. Do you want an updated CV now to forward to the client ? Thanks, Norman.

Norman - This conversation is now over. Sorry to have troubled you. Rupert. PS. If you know of any colleagues, relatives or numerate pets who might be interested in IT jobs, please let me know. There’s a case of 12 bottles of mixed French wine on offer for each successful placement.

Rupert - please don’t act like a bear with yellow trousers, red jumper and a sore head. I had a chat with my ’life coach’ last night and we decided that the time is ripe for a fresh, new challenge. I need to be excited when I when I go to work. I need to be stretched (but gently). I need to be stimulated again (but gently). Therefore, I am now looking for a Linux system administration role or exotic dancing. Ideally, full time Linux Sys Admin for a charity and part-time dancing at night. The main reason for the transgender process was the increased earning potential available to female strippers. This will enable me to get enough money together for the ‘pole dancing’ classes. Please let me know

  • Norman.

Norman - My colleague David is responsible for Linux recruitment. He really likes the look of your CV and is confident he has a fantastic opportunity. Do you have a beard as this would almost certainly secure an interview ?

Yes - but only before 1 September.