Football

Or as New Order once sang ‘In a lonely place’. Much has been made of Rafa Benitez’s so-called rant against Alex Ferguson. Of course, Benitez is correct for the most part but the most amusing part was when he pulled out a sheet of A4 with the charge sheet. Benitez is pretty new to this game and he would have been better advised to speak out after Liverpool had won 4-0 extending their lead and avoiding the use of the phrase ‘mind games’ - particularly when he’s not getting involved in them....

Although I will always associate Paul Ince with the phrase ‘big time Charlie’, I do think the Blackburn manager talks a lot of sense. In particular, I think he was correct in his assessment of Celtic’s display at Old Trafford on Wednesday night in the Champions League. Apart from a few early promising moments, I think the gulf between the two sides was embarrassing. In fact, when I first tuned in to watch the game, initially I thought I had got the dates mixed up and I was watching United playing Norwich City in the Carling Cup....

From the desk of Mr. Ashley. Good day. Private message to you. I know you don’t mind me contacting you by this means since we have not met before this time. My name is Lord King Glorious Michael ‘Haway the Lads’ Ashley. Recently, my Uncle’s (Sir Robert Robson of Gateshead) will was read and to our joy and relief, he has kept the sum of $8 milion USD in trust for the upkeep of the beloved Newcastle Footballing Club....

Thursday 15 May - Manchester, near England 107,239 hungover Rangers’ supporters (and an exiled Scotsman who drove up from Coventry) firmly blamed Great Manchester Police for last night’s scenes of fighting, violent disorder and urinating in the street. One fan, Jimmy ‘Och Aye Jimmy’ McTavish from Glasgow, claimed: ‘Everyone was having a great time in Piccadilly Gardens, sunbathing, drinking and joking around with the police. At 19:35, everyone went to the toilet, big Gordon put the kettle on, Doug popped out for popcorn and we all sat down to enjoy Rangers’ biggest game in 36 years on the big screen....

I have to say I am a little surprised at this breaking news. Still, I guess Eriksson will draw another excessive compensation package while he seeks alternative employment. In my view, buying all those expensive foreigners, beating United twice and finishing mid-table was a creditable first season. Mind you, I always had niggling reservations about Mr. Shinawatra. So, who’s next for the job at Manchester City - Jose Mourinho ?

Ashamed of MUFC’s last two games (Barcelona, Chelski) - no goals, no threat, no attack, no desire, no ambition, frightened, defensive, arrogant, complacent, stuttering. Complete shite.

‘We were the best team. People say over a season you finish where you deserve to, but we didn’t deserve to finish behind Manchester United. We were everyone’s second team.’ Terry McDermott on Newcastle’s near miss in 1996. Just a reminder of the final League positions for the 1995-1996 season. Team P W D L F A Pts Manchester United 38 25 7 6 73 35 82 Newcastle United 38 24 6 8 66 37 78

London, near England - 28 February 2008 Arsenal Football Club were left reeling following another hammer blow to their chances of winning the Premiership. Last night, the French international defender and club captain, William Gallas was sectioned under the mental health act. A spokesman commented: ‘This is an unusual step but the action was necessary for the safety of the individual and those around him.’ Investigations revealed that William Gallas’ mental fragility was long standing and deep rooted....

‘Every club knows they will have an equal chance of being treated unfairly.’ Quote from Richard Scudamore (Chief Executive Premier League) The proposal is for an additional competitive Premier League fixture to be played around the world. Although the top 5 clubs will be seeded, this still allows for the possibility of United drawing Derby at home (in Beijing) while Arsenal visit Liverpool (in Los Angeles).

Last night, I took Norman Junior III to visit the new, improved Wembley stadium last night to see England play Switzerland in a friendly. After paying homage to Sherlock Holmes, we changed at a packed Baker Street for the fast Metropolitan line to Wembley Park. We stood on the platform as one train departed and I was just contemplating whether we should ‘go for it’ when the next train arrived or step aside and wait for the next one....