There’s nothing worse than slaving away all day over a hot keyboard trying to coerce various pieces of software to synchronise a single customer record from one legacy system to another. Of course, the mouth-watering and long awaited climax to a hard days graft (and knowledge transfer) finally arrives at 18.47 when you are tired, irritable and just want to go home. This is it. This is your moment. Seize the day....
When you are in a crisis meeting, and a consultant or project manager says ‘We desperately need an intervention from ABC - now !’, do you ever find yourself idly scribbling the lyrics from Interpol’s ‘Say Hello To the Angels’ on your pristine pad of white paper ? This is a concept This is a bracelet This isn’t no intervention Two hours later, in the same crisis meeting, when the same consultant or project manager forcefully asks ‘Is Freddie Geekmeister from Advanced Technical Support engaged ?...
When I visit customers, I am usually granted read-access to production servers. Mostly I am working closely with IT staff to explain what I am doing and why. I am not normally granted the passwords to administer the production system which is just the way I like it. Otherwise, Siebel server CRMPROD1 which has been working fine for 2 years, unexpectedly core dumps, the call center is down, the business is losing 2 million dollars every minute and everyone is staring inquiringly in your direction....
When you are trying to print something in a hurry, there is nothing worse than discovering that your work of art has just been queued behind a monster 764 page document. As you are stood by the printer wondering whether to hang around, return to your desk or to submit the job to that printer on the fifth floor, the printer LED displays ‘Attention: Out of Paper’. Naturally, there is no paper in the print room so you go to the stationery cupboard for more ammunition and load Trays 1, 2 and 5....
Someone recently asked me at a dinner party: ‘So, Norman, tell me what you do in life ?’. I spontaneously replied: ‘I help people read books’. The lady (for it was a she) exclaimed: ‘Oh how absolutely fabulous. You are a teacher’. ‘Err, well, no. I actually work in IT’. ‘Oh I see. You work in training. Why didn’t you just say so ?’ ‘Err, well no. I am a sort of IT consultant’....
Back in 1995, I was a software engineer for Ingres, working on the OS/2 port. A merchant bank had a serious, intermittent, non-reproducible problem and Computer Associates kindly bought me a ticket to New York to go and help them. The ticket was an open return. I thought ‘That’s nice. That’s so I can extend my stay for a lovely weekend city break with my wife’. The truth was that it was an open return as I was staying onsite until the problem was resolved [ PH was right....
Maybe it’s just me but I have a slight unease about sitting next to a stranger who is reading email. Obviously, I try to avert my gaze but sometimes you can’t help but read the words on the screen, no matter how banal. Mind you, some people might consider it slightly rude to be even scanning email on a training course where the instructor is spending time and energy trying to teach you....
InterWeb. I think I first heard the term used, while working for a small Internet company, by an Aussie. I can’t recall whether we were laughing at him or he was laughing at us. Anyway, I now use ‘InterWeb’ at dinner parties, hotels and even in the work environment. People used to stare quizzically but, sadly, no longer. The term is now in common usage which somehow just makes it all the more amusing....
I spurned my first few invitations to linkedin.com as I already get plenty of spam email. However, I finally succumbed but now I am very fearful that someone, someday will receive the following endorsement from me so please, please don’t ever connect to my network. “Simply the best technical consultant, called Norman, who lives in Inverness, I have ever had the pleasure of working with. Mr. N. Brightside has an awesome and exceptional knowledge of PowerPoint internals....
I have a Linksys Wireless Broadband router (WRT54G). I have a Linksys Wireless USB network adapter (WUSB54G). The adapter is located 15 feet from the router in clear line of sight. The strength of the signal is 70%. There is also a (unsecured) wireless network detected with a strength of 73%. Where is this wireless network ? In the ceiling directly above my head ?