Uk

I’m not really a betting man. Mainly because I’m a scientist. On Grand National day, we normally nominate two or three horses each and someone wanders to place our bets at the bookies round the corner. My daughter normally wins. Also, we might cut up the runners from the Daily Mail supplement and do a lucky dip sweepstake. I also used to routinely bet on the final score and first scorer in the FA Cup Final to add some interest (if United weren’t involved)....

Saturday 18 July A beautiful, sunny Saturday morning but instead of sitting in a field in Hook Norton, drinking real ale, laughing, chatting rubbish and analysing the football season with my mates, instead we enjoyed a long overdue visit from my wife’s hairdresser. She is self-employed and a mobile hairdresser. We opened up the garage door and prepared chairs, black bin liners (to avoid using her capes) and an extension cable for her hairdryer and clippers....

A lot of people write in and ask ‘Norman - whatever happened to that SIPP you started 10 years ago ? Has it produced enough to retire on ? Was it a lot of work ? Did it outperform the FTSE100 ?’ I took the ’long term buy and hold forever and ‘strategic ignorance’ ethos to its logical extreme and forgot about the SIPP completely. Once all the pension funds were transferred and a collection of high yielding UK shares purchased, I forgot about it....

The Arundel House Hotel is a decent, clean, tidy and reasonably priced hotel in Cambridge. The hotel is ideally located adjacent to Jesus Green so you can easily walk into Cambridge for sight-seeing. In addition, it has a large car park which is free to residents. However, one unfortunate incident at breakfast means that I will probably never return there or honestly be able to unreservedly recommend it. I am grabbing some fruit and yoghurt and returning to our table in the light and airy conservatory....

I think it is entirely right and proper that Sir Fred Goodwin has been stripped of his knighthood. After all, I am a shareholder in the Royal Bank of Scotland and his incompetence has cost me a significant amount of money and pushed back my retirement age to 87. In fact, why stop there ? Personally, I find it objectionable that Freddie’s surname includes the word ‘Good’. This man is not good - in fact, he is a very bad man so I suggest he should henceforth be known as ‘Fred Win’....

BBC Breakfast ran a story this morning about the sale of woodlands. The gentlemen responsible for selling woodlands was quite a comedian. He started his act with: ‘In these difficult economic times, people are looking to invest in woodlands to hedge their bets…’ and then, referring to the potential investment opportunity and without a glimmer of a smile, he delivered the immaculate line ‘In a few years time, once the wood has matured, people will see that you can get income from trees’....

The ticket allocations for the London 2012 Olympics haven’t been announced yet so I don’t know whether I’ll be watching Tom Daley competing in the 10m platform diving semi final on 9th August. If I do, I’ll be sparing a thought and probably shedding a quiet tear for Tom Daley’s dad, Rob, who lost his 5 year battle against a brain tumour yesterday. Last year, I enjoyed a BBC documentary about Tom Daley where his Dad interrupted a formal press conference to give his son a big hug, thoroughly embarrassing him in the process....

Chatting with a good friend over dinner last night, he recounted how his son ambushed him late one Sunday night with some economics homework that he’d somehow manage to overlook and which simply had to be submitted the following morning. Annoyed, and after dispensing a severe bollocking, he reluctantly sat down and gave his son some lengthy help with the complex and thorny topic of ‘How does monetary policy affect the economy ?...

These are indeed exciting times in the Brightside household: Norma Jeane will be taking part in the 125th Lawn Tennis Championships to be held at Wimbledon between 20 June and 3 July. Her precise role isn’t known yet but may include ‘Waiting On (Silver Service)’ - fawning over loud, overbearing sales people out on a corporate jolly, ‘Bar staff’ (serving jugs of Pimms to middle aged Daily Mail readers) or tantalisingly, ‘Courtesy car driver’ (ferrying a morose Andy Murray around)....

Sarah Baskerville is a civil servant who works for the Department of Transport in London. Back in November, there was a minor storm in a teacup when the Daily Mail caught Sarah caught posting the shocking revelation to Twitter that she ‘Had a hangover’ whilst at work. In addition, she occasionally had the temerity to dare to question Government policy. Unless you are a Daily Mail reader, none of this is very newsworthy....