Please don’t tell Norma but, earlier this week, I spent £25 in Shagorika. Such is the life of a sad, lonely IT consultant on a slow Tuesday night in Sunderland. Unfortunately, contrary to my expectations, Shagorika turned out to be a rather mediocre, overpriced Indian restaurant rather than the sordid den of sexual iniquity I was hoping for. It took me a while to summon up the courage to cross the threshold....
Two weeks ago, I sat in the business lounge at Newcastle airport. I chose a desk right in the corner away from everyone else because I am like that. Inevitably, the lounge filled up with business types trying to impress everyone else by speaking loudly on their slimline toy phones. A gentleman came and sat down next to me. He fetched an orange juice and two packets of delicious Kettle Chips (Sea Salt with crushed black peppercorns and Mature Cheddar and Chives) to occupy himself for the next 25 minutes....
Boring, alcohol fuelled haze Prelude Friday Saturday
My friends were disappointed, insulted and absolutely mortified at the suggestion (from a comment on this blog) that the Hook Norton Festival of Fine Ales was merely a ‘Boring, alcohol, induced haze’ However, I simply loved the turn of phrase that captures the very essence of Hook Norton in just four words. So much so, I had T-shirts made up for this weekend’s antics. New for 2007: The entire event will be live mob-blogged from start to finish so don’t forget to tune in to this blog, Twitter, Pownce, Facebook and BBC World Service for exciting, real-time updates....
Last Thursday, I enjoyed an superbly entertaining taxi ride back from LHR. Unusually, the taxi driver wasn’t waiting for me at the meeting point. I called the taxi company and was told he was ‘3 minutes away’. He was actually 10 minutes away but, to be fair, he was extremely apologetic when he arrived. The driver was a rather tall, imposing, Indian gentleman. Once in the car, he immediately got into a protracted and increasingly heated argument with the dispatcher about the address for his next drop-off....
My son, Norman Junior III, plays competitive junior tennis. When I watch him play, I tend to stand at a distance and remain completely silent. Outwardly at least. I always try to offer positive encouragement - congratulations if he wins and commiserations after a defeat. My son wins some matches and loses a handful more. However, he always enjoys playing, he doesn’t scream and shout or thrash his racket into the ground....
Dear Cathy and Claire I wonder if you can help me. I recently was asked to host a deluxe barbecue for some Scottish friends who live in a town called ‘Glasgow’, near Scotland. I live in London and had stocked up on decent cuts of meat, firelighters, barbecue coals (impregnated), vegetable kebabs and fish because some veggie always turns up unannounced. As my wife is so quick to prepare her lovely potato and pasta salads and often brings the baked potatoes out before my BBQ is actually hot enough to start cooking, I took the precaution of stocking up on a few gas canisters and hundreds of gallons of fuel accelerant....
LHR-NCL (BA1326) Dep: 09:40 Arr: 10:45 ‘Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Newcastle airport where the local time is 12:50. Once again, we would like to apologise for the [2 hour] delay to this service. We hope this does not inconvenience you and wish you a safe and pleasant onward journey.’ ‘Passengers wishing to smoke should note that, following changes to UK legislation that came into effect over the weekend, smoking is not permitted anywhere in the terminal building....
If you are the parent of a teenage girl, I have some fantastic news for you. Good news - You will never have to purchase an air freshener for your car again. Ever. I kindly gave my daughter and three girlfriends a lift yesterday. As each young passenger boarded, pleasant smells and odours of various perfumes and fragrances wafted and swirled around the car interior until it resembled a perfume counter at Boots....
This year, like the previous three, we applied in the LTA ballot for Wimbledon tickets. This year, unlike the previous three, we were allocated two tickets for Court 1 for the middle Saturday in blazing June. I checked the Order of Play on Friday night. My wife asked me who was playing. I casually replied ‘Oh - just some ladies playing pit-a-pat tennis then Djokovic (Men’s #4 seed) against Kiefer followed by another ladies singles match....